Revision
Strategies
No writer is perfect, including me. Therefore, I created this page to specifically highlight the different revision processes I took in order to improve my work in my Literature Review as well as my Advocacy Project Essay.
Main Purpose
This page demonstrates an assortment of some of the most valuable revision steps I took this quarter. It also illustrates my growth
and the different strategies I learned about during the revision process.
Literature Review Introduction
The first big writing assignment I had in this class was the Literature Review Essay, which is very similar to a research project. One of the
most important parts of this essay was finding and evaluating three scholarly or peer reviewed research studies that I could reference when discussing dog intelligence. This is because these sources were the basis of my research and the stronger they were, the better chance I had at writing an excellent essay. Furthermore, the two main purposes of this essay was to provide a summary of what scientists have studied and discovered about dog intelligence throughout history as well as clearly define three research studies that have greatly improved the field of dog science. My work in the Literature Review Essay should allow my readers to understand the "various topics, arguments, histories, and background knowledge" surrounding dog intelligence. Overall, the main intent behind this essay was to create a foundation about what I will do in my next major writing assignment, the Advocacy Project. Therefore, my essay about dog intelligence should help set up and address a conversation about a problem dogs face as well as begin advocating for a solution.
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Adding Sign Posts
-Evidence & Information Literacy-
In my first draft, I did not ​introduce all my sources and studies with titles, authors, and dates, thus preventing my readers from
noticing that my purpose for writing this essay is to represent a literature review. As a result, in my revision process, I included these informative aspects every time I referenced a new article, allowing any researcher who is looking at my review to quickly determine the relevance and context of my research studies and sources. I decided to prioritize this revision because it demonstrates that I was able to seamlessly integrate my sources into the composition and "effectively use sources of different types in support of a clearly and deftly delivered analytical synthesis." As a whole, my revision caused more effective connections to be made between my sources and my main intent for writing this essay, which was to to highlight dog intelligence.
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Fixing Grammatical Errors
-Style, Mechanics, & Conventions-
Occasionally, I make the mistake of being unclear in my writing and assume that my readers know what I am attempting to get
across. This causes me to sometimes have dangling participles where a sentence can be interpreted two different ways or include information that is not yet backed up by evidence, both of which are not beneficial for an author's main intentions. Therefore, I focused on revising these errors in my writing in order to demonstrate a sense of "clarity, sentence structure, and readability." I chose to prioritize this revision because it made my writing more effective and easier to follow since it is now "characterized by precise word choice, purposeful sentences with varied structure, and a high degree of" comprehension.
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Changing Introduction
-Style, Mechanics, & Conventions-
There are so many wonderful ideas that pop into my head as I am in the middle writing an essay, causing me to sometimes loose
track about my original thoughts and ideas. Unfortunately, this has resulted in my topic sentences differing from the concluding sentence in the same paragraph. When going through my revision process, I made sure to fix this "choppiness" so my readers would not be left confused, wondering what my essay was truly about. As I revisited my work, I tried to clear my head in order to notice any signs of disruption in my paragraphs, so I could fix it. This revision was prioritized because it "demonstrates a very high degree of skill and control when moving from idea to idea, paragraph to paragraph, and sentence to sentence." As a whole, the composition of my revised draft is now more cohesive, due to my concluding sentences developing the ideas set up in the topic sentences.
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Advocacy Project Introduction
The second big writing assignment I had in this class was the Advocacy Project, which closely resembles an
argumentative essay. The main purpose of this essay was to address a problem surrounding an animal species as well as advocate for a solution. Specifically, I discussed euthanasia as an inhumane treatment used to combat the dog overpopulation problem. There are multiple reasons why euthanasia is an issue. One reason is because it cruelly strips away life from healthy dogs who know their unfortunate fate. Although there are many other reason why euthanasia must end, another reason is because dogs are able to feel emotion and therefore, should be respected. After I demonstrated that dog euthanasia is a huge problem, I advocated for "global" and "grassroot" solutions. One global solution I wrote about was implementing more affordable spay and neuter programs. As the number of dogs who are sterilized increase, the population and euthanization of dogs are both found to decrease. Additionally, one grassroot solution I included was advocating for dog rights on a social media platform. The examples I provided referenced NKLA's and Hope for Paw's work and illustrated how their efforts on social media resulted in a decrease in the numbers of animals who are abused. Overall, the main intent behind this essay was to argue a major problem dogs face and provide some analysis, followed by a section describing some of the solutions that can be taken to combat the original problem I addressed. My essay should cause my readers to realize that euthanasia truly is a problem that must end in order to save all dogs.
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Introduction and Review of Literature
Everyone makes errors when they write, especially when it comes to writing about a group of people. Specifically, I made the
mistake of assuming "most people believed they controlled all animals" in the past. After realizing that this idea comes off as speculative and how it is difficult to attest the states of mind of most people in an accurate and objective way, I decided to change the wording of this sentence. This is because the introductory section in my Advocacy Project must capture my readers' interests and provide a review of three well-chosen scientific studies. It must not state improper or incorrect information in reference to my topic. The research illustrated in this section also should be used to introduce an argument about why my species, dogs, matter. Overall, once I fixed this error and made it more credible, the aspects and science located in my introduction was able to effectively form a foundation for the problem and solution I discussed later on in my essay.
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Structure
As I read over my draft, it came to my attention that I was lacking structure as I introduced my research studies and their findings. In
other words, there were no transition sentences that connected my three studies. Instead, it was as if the studies were distinct from one another and not related in any way. Therefore, I fixed this ineffectiveness by including a transition sentence at the beginning of each section in order to demonstrate that my source's findings built on top of one another and added to the field of dog intelligence. After I did this, my structure improved because I now had stronger transitions along with necessary signposts and effective headings. I used all these organizational strategies in an effort to clearly present the structure of my argument. Additionally, the structure of my overall essay and within each section became more logical and illustrated coherence between each section.
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Multi-Modal Element
When used correctly, one's writing can improve with multimodality. This is because it includes another form of communication,
whether it is spoken or visual. It allows readers to improve their knowledge and understand the purpose of an assignment in a new way. Thus, each mode is different and highlights various way in order to send a message or communicate with readers. Based on the importance of multimodality, I began to realize that this aspect was nonexistent in my essay. I then included a chart in one section of my essay in an effort to strengthen and deepen my explanations, summaries, and arguments about dog euthanasia and overpopulation. Above my my picture, I included an introduction and beneath my picture, I added a caption. This form of multimodality therefore helped me clearly and effectively communicate the effects of dog overpopulation in my essay.
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Peer Review
Throughout this quarter, I gave suggestions to multiple students about their work and their progress, whether it was
about Twitter, the Literature Review, the Advocacy Project, or the Final Portfolio. Overall, peer review was a helpful tool that caused me to read with a purpose and discover aspects in my peers' work that were incorrect or could be enhanced. Due to this, I was able to practice my close reading skills, notice how others approached an essay with a similar purpose, and realize some points I needed to change in my own essay. I have learned much about peer review from reading my peers' work and providing advice. For instance, there were times when I noticed that some of the advice I gave could even be applied to my own assignment in order to improve its quality. I even received a few suggestions that were very eye opening and allowed me to gain the perspective from another fellow student. Depending on the advice, I occasionally tweaked some aspects in my work and actually noticed improvement. Peer review was an amazing process that gave me the opportunity to help my peers write a scholarly essay as well as notice flaws in my own work.
-Advice I Gave For Songqi Wen-
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The main intent behind this piece of advice I gave was to reference Songqi's literature
review section and how well it foreshadowed clear connections to the problem facing primates. Specifically, the problem he addressed was deforestation. However, the scientific studies he referenced and discussed appeared to not foreshadow this upcoming problem. In order to communicate my thoughts about this matter in an effective way, I included an example of how he could make a stronger connection in one of his literature review categories. In the specific section I was referencing, he discussed a scientific study that demonstrated how primates are able to notice when other primates feel pain. The results showed that primates are able to comprehend pain. Therefore, I thought that this would be a good opportunity to make a connection to deforestation since it can cause pain in primates. He could then note that this action is inhumane and cruel since his study proved primates understand the horrible feelings associated with pain. This addition to his literature review could allow his readers begin to care about primates and realize the severity of deforestation. I hope the advice I gave helped Songqi in his revision process and improved his Advocacy Essay.
Although Songqi did a good job summarizing his literature review section, the
scientific studies he included seemed very distinct from one another. I was able to relate to him at this instant due to the fact that I had the same problem before I met with Professor McClure. During my meeting with the professor, he suggested that I include a transition sentence or paragraph before each scientific study to help demonstrate how they are related or build on top of one another. This will allow my readers to have a better understanding of my work since it is less choppy and instead easier to follow and comprehend. As a result, the advice I gave resembled what Professor McClure told me. I wrote that Songqi should consider adding a transition sentence before each category in the literature review section since it can illustrate how his three categories are connected. This will help him prove that his main topic, which is that primates can feel emotion, is valid as well as prevent his readers from being lost or confused on what is coming next.
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-Advice I Received-
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This suggestion I received highlighted how my problem section in my Advocacy
Essay could be enhanced. In my draft, I noted how euthanasia is cruel and inhumane, but did not provide a transition sentence to explain why this is the case. Due to this, my readers could have wondered if there were any examples or instances that backed up my claim or if my claim was false and unproveable. Based on the advice I received and my new knowledge, I immediately included proof that demonstrates the multiple inhumane forms of euthanasia, such as gas chambers and drowning, and elaborated more on why these actions are so problematic. After I improved my work, I believed my paragraphs were more coherent and were able to prevent my readers from feeling lost. This is because each sentence and paragraph in my problem section now led to the next.
In my solution section, I summarized several solutions that have been offered to help
end dog euthanasia. I specifically, illustrated how social media could be used to prevent this problem from occurring. This is because people can educate others about dog euthanasia as well as advocate for dog rights. Despite this, the advice I received stated that some of my readers could have been reluctant to believe my claim since I did not provide or elaborate enough about some examples of social media platforms or how individuals can make a difference. Based on this, I reread my solution section and made sure I included instances where major animal welfare organizations successfully used social media, such as YouTube, to advocate for dog rights and decrease euthanasia rates. I even included a personal example when I used Twitter in order to learn more about animals science and educate others about animal welfare. Including these examples about social media platforms was meant to allow my readers to understand that they too can make a difference and improve the lives of dogs as well as other animals.
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Building Blocks
Building block assignments may seem useless to some writers at first, but I believe all the steps I took, even the ones
located in the beginning stages, had an important role in my growth. This is because they helped me conduct research and effectively write about animal science in my two major writing assignments, the Literature Review and the Advocacy Essay. Due to this, there were many important moments that helped me choose the species I wanted to write about early on in this course. First of all, the Twitter assignments I had to complete gave me the opportunity to tweet about any animal related topic I wanted. Secondly, the articles I read in class educated me about many animals as well as their amazing abilities and skills. Both of these building blocks caused me to want to specifically learn more about dogs. Once I decided this, I realized I also needed to learn more about the problems dogs constantly face. Again, Twitter helped me with this endeavor. I continued to conduct research and tweet about dog science and welfare each week in order to increase my knowledge. Based on my experience with Twitter, I decided to highlight it as part of my growth and demonstrate how this building block allowed me to improve my writing.
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The building block Twitter assignments allowed me to begin my
research process and identify some organizations, such as NKLA, that focus on dogs, the problems facing dogs, or solutions to the problems. This allowed me to become more informed about their work and aware of things that are advocated by the organizations. Therefore, when it came time to write my Advocacy Essay, I was easily able to to share my knowledge and raise awareness about an issue negatively impacting dogs.
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Furthermore, Twitter increased my understanding since I read
and found many different issues and sub-issues impacting dogs. I specifically was intrigued with dog euthanasia since it was correlated with dog overpopulation. I wanted to learn if there was a relationship between the two or if it was just by chance. Without the help from this building block assignment, I may have struggled with what problem I wanted to discuss in my Advocacy Essay and questioned its importance.
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Twitter also caused me to learn much about multiple proposed
solutions based on the problem at hand. I even referenced most of the solutions I found on Twitter in order to end dog euthanasia in my Advocacy Essay. Moreover, some of the solutions I found were “global” solutions that came from an animal welfare organization while the other solutions I discovered were “grassroot” solutions that were more personal and individual, such as signing a petition or making a pledge against dog euthanasia.